ACROSS LITE PUZZLE: [ HOW I BEAT WRITER’S BLOCK]
PROGRAM: [Across Lite]
PROGRAM: [Java]
PRINTOUT PUZZLE: [ HOW I BEAT WRITER’S BLOCK]
PROGRAM: [Adobe Acrobat]
Whenever I meet someone and the conversation inevitably turns to “what do you do for a living?,” I always get this response when I tell them I write crossword puzzles:
“Oh, I don’t know how to do those things.”
That, everybody, is an instant conversation killer. Because frankly, what am I supposed to do with that? When they continue with “I’m an attorney/investment banker/research scientist/rabbi/real estate broker/truck driver/etc,” am I supposed to go “I don’t know how to do that, either”? Sometimes I do say that, because, frankly I don’t know anything about torts/Roth IRAs/control groups/The Torah/land tax/cabs/etc.
(And to think most other constructors get the softballs: “do you write the clues first?,” or “you must know a lot of words.” Maybe I just hang out with the wrong crowds. I’d kill those questions. But then again, after a lifetime of answering those questions, I’d probably be sick of answering those as well.)
So I’ll throw this out to the community, as you are all crossword people (thank you). Anybody got any brilliant ways to counter that question? Please leave any or all suggestions in the comments section. I’m trying to think of a crossword theme somewhat built around this awkward coctail party conversation.
In the meantime, enjoy this one. New puzzle on Wednesday.
Oh, I get this too. With the inevitable follow-up: “My mother/uncle/neighbor does them, though! Every day, she’s totally hooked!” — which kills the conversation even worse, because what, I’m supposed to be wowed by the incredible coincidence that you know one of the 50 million puzzle solvers in this country? I’ve never come up with much of a response other than an unconvincing “oh?”
Yeah, that happens now and again. I dunno. Maybe are they just stunned that human beings make these? Now that I think about it, I do get “how many of you crossword constructrs are there out there?”
COP? I have heard that meaning of the word used with drugs and feels, but not puzzle thievery. I got shredded in that corner, trying to make COPY work. CPO and PROP were no gimmes either.
How is an ACID VISION QUEST different from a VISION QUEST? Is it the ACID? It sounds like it’s the ACID? Never heard the phrase.
And AGAWAM? No way. This one roughed me up, man.
rp
Perhaps just tell people you’re a builder of intellectual and pop culture grids?
Not a bad idea.
I don’t see an issue. Killing a conversation is the right thing to do in the vast majority of cases.
Shouldn’t the answer be, “They’re fun and easy to learn, if you’re not a dummy”?
Have to agree with Rex – those 15s are pretty awkward, making the SW corner much rougher than the rest of the puzzle. Really wanted APE in place of COP. And nobody in the history of Google has used the phrase “acid vision quest”! Loved the PB shout-out though, and put me down as pro-AGAWAM…
Fair enough… but then again show me one of these kinds of puzzles where the entries aren’t even a little bit forced.
Right, DanF = pro AGAWAM and PB, got it.
Invariably, if you answer “I make crosswords,” they say, “Oh, you must be very smart!” Then you must look as dumb and wide-eyed as you can as they slowly back away. Never deny that you’re brilliant!
The best answer is “Work? I do as little as possible.” But say that only if you want the conversation to continue.
AGAWAM is new and fun, and is there anything I can say about KOTEX?!
I HATE the “Do you make the grid or the clues first?” thing. It’s the dumbest question imaginable and yet I get it ALL THE TIME. I just tell them to think about it, which maybe isn’t the most socially adept response, but screw it.
Trust me — the response is the same no matter what you do for a living. If someone asks, and you tell them that, for instance, “I develop rollover sensors for cars and trucks,” they get a dazed look and say “oh.”
I think that unless it’s something typical like lawywer, banker, some other profession that people understand, that’s what happens!
I say “Work? I do as little as possible” nearly every day.
I take it then you develop rollover sensors for cars and trucks?
Even worse is this conversation:
-“What do you do?”
-“I’m a mathematician.”
-“Oh, I can’t even balance my checkbook.”
Somehow, I don’t think English professors get “Oh, I can’t even read a business letter” very often.
I was an undergrad math major and had the same thing. No wonder people think mathematicians are socially awkward. Throw us a bone!
Speaking of bones–I was an English professor for a few years, specializing in medieval lit. Response: “OH! I love Renaissance Fairs! You must go to them all the time!” I have ideas for what to do with those turkey drumsticks.
More generally, English professors get “Oh! You must have read (their fav. crappy novel / emo poet)”
Response: “Wow! I’ve never heard of that! I wonder why?”
related anecdote: senior year of college, i got reeeeeally sick of people asking me what i was going to do after graduation. (actual plans: none.) so i started telling people i had declared for the NBA draft. (i’m about 5’9″, 140 and i can’t go left.) that just about settled that.
Patrick–as a sometime medievalist, I totally share your pain. “Oh, yeah, my roommate in college belonged to that club, what is it, where you dress up in a suit of armor you made yourself and bap away at each other with padded swords on the weekend.” Yes, well, ahrm. Let’s change the subject shall we…
My daughter went to LSU and there it was Civil War Reenactment. They actually used some of the antebellum plantations along the Mississippi River for their reenacting.
Agawam. It brought back memories as 45 years ago I was stationed nearby at Westover AFB near Chicopee Falls. The nearest amusement park of any consequence was Palisades Amusement Park and I can’t remember if Freedomland in the Bronx was still around.
I am listening to Tjolgtjar, who i hope get crossword famous. but I doubt it.
Maybe I do….
“I’m an English professor”
“Oh, really. I …
a. better watch my grammar, I guess, huh?”
b. was more into science and math when I was in high school.”
c. really wish I read more.”
d. have to go over here now, excuse me.”
“Actuary” used to really wow ’em as a career answer. I could then regale people with actuarial jokes like, “An actuary wanted to be an accountant, but didn’t have the personality” or “An actuary’s answer to ‘What is 2 + 2?’ is ‘What do you want it to be?'” (sitting here LOLing… oh, you’re not?).
In fact, Gene Maleska was once a mystery guest on “What’s My Line?” They never did guess him!
It was always my dream to enter the fascinating and lucrative field of coupon industry research. And I realized that dream, and had several cocktail party responses ready depending on how much I wanted to continue the conversation…
(If anyone has any ideas for what I should do next, I’d love to hear them…or you could just hire me.)
I think you should tell people you’re a cruciverbalist. And when they ask what that means, tell them that the cruzeiro is the basic monetary unit of Brazil and walk away.
You could go with “Well, doing them requires a different skill set than creating them.” It’s open-ended, if they want to ask why it’s a different skill set, you can enlighten them, and if they were just being polite asking about your work, they can go in a different conversational direction.
Cross word puzzle solving has been proven to help older people retain brain health, or at least slow brain deficits. So you might say you’re in the psycho-social geriatric industry. Or not.
Hey, Brendan. New to the site. I’m just wondering, really, what program, if any, you use to construct your crosswords. I was asked to write one for a school journal and, while graph paper certainly is an option, I’ve found it entirely frustrating having to shoddily erase letters and words when they don’t work out. I was hoping to find some sort of graphical approach for a Mac or PC. Any suggestions?
speaking of math and puzzles, i just did this one as a break from some math, thinking that it would clear my head and i would be able to figure out what it is i need to figure out, but alas… back to panicpanicpanic! the next step sounds much more fun.
BEQ – I think that happens no matter what your job is. When I say I write for TV, a lot of people say, “I don’t watch TV.” My guess is in your case they’re either intimidated by an imagined brilliance/snobbery, or maybe they are just selfish and bored. You’ve chosen a niche career, for sure. Honestly a giant interest in your career can be a lot worse. “Oh man, have I got some GREAT puzzle ideas for you!” It’s those middle of the road folks you want to meet: interested, but not fanatical.
SW killed me.
Here are some answers to try, depending on your mood:
“That’s probably why you’re at a party and have friends.”
“That’s because they’re written for smart people.”
“Just kidding, I really write Sudoku puzzles.”
“Me neither.”
“Well you see there’s this list of clues, and they correspond to an answer grid…”
“Thank God! I hate those nerds.”
“Sure you do, you’re just afraid to improve yourself.”
“I don’t know how to talk to people like you.”
“Start with a Saturday New York Times… they’re the easiest.”
Hey I work for the tax department. Talk about a way to clear a room fast.
How about saying you freelance for the NY Times and other nationally syndicated periodicals.
Brendan,
I’m a gynecologist…surefire conversation stopper. I’m told that in Europe it’s considered rude to even ask the question “what do you do?” at a party; they just talk about current events, film , art, politics, etc.
Perhaps we need to move.
P.S. Best question I ever got asked: “My father’s a barber and he cuts his own hair; do you give yourself your own pap smear?”
In my professional life, I was a management consultant and I got all of the same dumb questions and responses that you seem to get. I finally just went a different direction. When asked what I did, I frequently said “I tell stories”. “What?” came the response. “Yes, I tell stories for a living.” “Do people really pay you for that?” was always the next question. “More than you can possibly imagine” was my favorite response. At that point the conversation invariably shifted to something else. Or the converser shifted to somebody else. Either way, a win for me.
My alternative answer to “What do you do?” was “I’m a corporate goad!” That would send the conversation off in another direction, usually with high entertainment value.
Maybe you should think about changing your initial answer. Like “I write for a newspaper.” Or “I look for clues.” Or “I’m in construction.” Or “I tell stories.” (You do, you know. Every puzzle is a story in itself.)
For what it’s worth…
If I’m going on too much, I’m sorry. But then I tell stories for a living.
I had another thought, Brendan. When you’re asked what you do for a living, why not say “I sell clues.” “What?” they will say. “Yeah. You know on the cop shows how they’re always looking for clues? Well, when they run short, I sell them to ’em. And when someone says to me ‘I haven’t got a clue”, I say, “What kind of clue are you looking for? Maybe I could sell you one.”
If you think about it, that’s really what you do. You sell grids and clues.
What do you think?
I am pro-Agawam and pro-actuary. I have educated a lot of people about what an actuary does, whether they want to know or not!
I’m surprised no therapists have written in yet… I unavoidably get some variation of “I know quite a few people around here who could use your services”… [wait for awkward laugh] And I’m always leery that they might suddenly start unburdening themselves of their problems right then and there.
As a crossword creator, perhaps you can appreciate the following dialogue:
A: “What do you do for a living?”
B: “I write crossword puzzles.”
A: “Oh, I don’t know how to do those things.”
B: “A four letter word for uncertainty.”
A: “What?”
B: “And you said you didn’t know how to do crossword puzzles!”
I have met the occasional person who (jokingly) tries to suggest words, or worse, clues for future puzzles. Yeah, they’re just trying to have fun, but it’s still a little cringeworthy. You know it’s a bad clue when the grammar doesn’t match, or there’s too narrow an audience (work jargon, obscure hobbies, inside jokes, etc.). A good example from a long wait at the airport a few years ago: “Hey, that should be in your next puzzle! 4 Down…WEATHER…Why our flight is delayed!”
It doesn’t really matter what one does for a living, the person asking “what do you do?’ inevitably will find something irrelevant to say. I don’t thing it’s just reserved for the complicated or unusual job either. “I’m a janitor.” “I bet your floors at home are really clean!” “I’m a cashier.” “Can you read the UPCs?” “I’m an artist.” “Where do you get your ideas from?”
To respond with something equally irrelevant, can be fun, but is sure to squeeze any chance of life out of a conversation. I think the best way to deal with these situations, if you really want to have a conversation, is to distill your response. For the crossword constructor, you can simply say “I’m a writer.” To keep the conversation flowing, Immediately ask “What do YOU do?”
Ask them if they’ve ever heard the expression “Busier than a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest.” Then tell them you’re the league commissioner.
On a barely related note, I am wondering how you respond to the “Oh, you mean like Tom Selleck” comments.
giordana says:
I’m a librarian/archivist, and although I was going to write a woe is me, “you must really like the dewey decimal system” post, in actuality, I have a great way to deal with the weird job conversation.
When [annoying comment] is said, reply earnestly and without a hint of self-deprecation “The pay’s not great, but it’s really satisfying work. I enjoy it a lot.” “And what do you do?”
It’s so disarming and ego-saving that even though what you do is so much awesomer than what they do, they don’t have to be defensive. Works every time I’ve tried it.
My cousin has some sort of investment banking job. When someone asks what he does for a living, he says, “I’m a cop.” That way, everyone understands instantly and he doesn’t have to get into arcane, conversation-killing details about his job. Now, whether people then ask him “Have you ever shot anyone?”, I don’t know. Brendan, you could follow up with “Nah, I’m just kidding you. I’m really a cop.”
When people tell me they can’t do crosswords, I just tell ’em they need to read my book, “How to Conquer the New York Times Crossword Puzzle.” Because seriously, if you’ve got a functioning brain and a modicum of curiosity about your world, you can do crosswords. You just need to learn the tricks of the trade if crosswords stymie you.
At least you don’t get people asking you to help them with the NW corner of the puzzle they are constructing. Computer programmers are not so lucky. Everybody has something wrong with their computer.