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If you’re bothering to make a themed puzzle, if you’re bothering to make some kind of a puzzle for other people to solve, Lord please try and emphasize the fun stuff. A successful puzzle should make the solver feel good about themselves and hopefully make them laugh along the way. A successful puzzle should not make the solver go “wasn’t that constructor being all sorts of clever?” Or even worse: the solver should never go “… that’s it?”
We’re all guilty. Every single one of us crossword constructors is guilty of at least one of these, what I call bullshit themes. These themes in and of themselves are lazy and lacking in any sense of imagination or creativity. In the interest of full disclosure, I’m guilty of at least six violations (2, 4, 6, 7, 8 and 10). Everybody, it’s time to pull out your “WWPBD?” (“What Would Patrick Berry Do?”) t-shirts and work a little harder to make sure these never happen again, okay?
(Could any of these themes be done effectively? Depends. I mean, this is creativity we’re talking about here, and rules are always meant to be broken. But you have to understand the rules in the first place in order to break them! Just blindly doing these bullshit themes does not a good crossword make. There should at least be a reason why you’re doing these bullshit themes. Okay, onto the list.)
- The stepquote. Nothing says “I don’t care” more than the stepquote because you’ve ignored the effort to at least try and find a quote that can be split up symmetrically. And, hey since the theme runs stair step down the middle of the grid, you’ve left two wide open areas with zero thematic material.
(Some people hate quote puzzles and feel they should be retired, but I say find better/funnier quotations from people who are either cool or worth citing. No more Oscar Wilde and Steven Wright quips, please!)
- Deletion themes that don’t make new words. Deletion themes are fine, but it should at least be changed into something other than entries that look like a cryptogram.
- Anagrams of some other entry plus the word ANAGRAM. Hard to believe but at one point these babies ran on Thursdays! Glad this one died a couple years ago. FWIW, an editor showed me a rejected puzzle of this type where the budding constructor’s basis for the anagrams was ADOLF HITLER. Moving on …
- Randomly circled letters that spell out some kind of word ostensibly making a non-theme a theme. I don’t think this would be a bad theme per se if the entries that are containing the circles had something connecting everything together. To me this theme just seems completely arbitrary and inelegant.
- Random phrases plus entry that’s clued {Word that can precede/follow the beginnings/ends of W-, X-, Y, and Z-Across}. This one feels incomplete. It comes across like the constructor had the idea of phrases starting with some connecting element (parts of a bicycle, members of the Wu-Tang Clan, etc.) but then got bored and stopped halfway through.
Having said that, I think this theme does work when both words in the entry can precede/follow a certain word. At least then it seems somewhat elegant.
- The same word used as the clue for all the theme entries but in different sense. For example, three entries where the clues are all something inane like {BOARD}. Bored, is more like it! Equally offending is the one where the clues are gradual beheadings/curtailments/adding a letter: {PARKAY}, {PARKA}, {PARK}, {PAR}, {PA}. Lazy!
- First-words-are-synonyms puzzles where the words are not used in any sort of alternate sense: MOMMIE DEAREST, MA BARKER, MAMMA MIA, MOTHER HUBBARD. How is this any different than a repeated word theme? This is 101 shit here. Other 101 shit: any puzzle whose theme is colors, rhymes, rhymes involving colors, celebrity’s first and last name whose last name is the first of another celebrity (BRUCE LEE IACOCCA, e.g.) or arbitrary phrase (DONALD TRUMP CARD, e.g.), and finally the dreaded OLD MAN AND THE SEA/THE SUN ALSO RISES/ERNEST HEMINGWAY triumvirate.
- Phrases that contain some repeated two- or three-letter element in the middle of them spanning a word break. Well, maybe it’s not completely bullshit, but jeez, at least make it something interesting. Try using rare Scrabble-y letters or words if you’re going that route.
- The “curriculum vitae” with entry that is clued {Subject of the puzzle}, usually the “Subject …” clue comes with: “born 100 years ago today.” Nobody cares about the filmography of Emmett Kelly. Equally offending: four people with the same birthday.
- The clue would be something like {Three dogs} and the answer would be a random list like ODIE SNOOPY RIN TIN TIN. Huh? That’s it? WTF? I mean, if you’re going to be that lazy with the theme construction/cluing, why stop there? You might as well clue every entry {Noun} or {Word} then. Merl Reagle made one like this where the long theme entries were makes/models of cars and the gimmick was something along the lines of bumper to bumper traffic. That’s probably the only time this one’s going to work. But seriously, I repeat, WTFF?
(Tip of the hat to Francis Heaney for helping me compile some of this list, as well as create some examples, specifically numbers 2, 6, 7 and 9.)
I just may start linking to this post as a quick substitute for explaining why a theme is rather arid. “Meh. See #10 here.”
Well now, Bren, your list of Don’ts is very nice and ambitious, but what have you got left to make a theme with?
Your own blog has readers who are experienced and sophisticated as solvers, so for yourself this is a great guide. But what of the great unwashed who can barely discern a simple theme such as those you’ve laid out? You probably don’t realize how many there are like that in the world.
As an example, the current controversy over what syndicated puzzle to replace the Wayne Williams crosswords with in newspapers across the country centers on how difficult the replacement puz is. And their choices are the most prosaic of puzzles, almost TV Guide themes and clues. Editors and publishers must give their audience puzzles they understand or they’re out of a job.
So while I totally agree with your standards for top-notch puzzles, they are for yourself and constructors who want to be the best; but many constructors want to sell something rather than nothing, and many editors do go for the kinds of themes you turn your nose up at.
What Nancy said.
Also, most of the theme genres on the list fall can be called: “b*llshit, unless…”.
For instance, there are fun things that can be done with anagrams. A few years ago when Howell Raines was forced to resign as New York Times editor (following on the heels of the Jayson Blair debacle), I came up with the anagram RAN WHOLE LIES and sent it to Andrew Sullivan. Sullivan posted it with the caption “Anagram as Epitaph”, and someone else then soon came up with HES ORWELLIAN. Others followed and there was a list of about seven to ten really good ones. I wonder if Will Shortz would have published a puzzle with those theme entries? No I don’t.
But, yeah, if the solver’s reaction is “That’s it?”, you know you’re looking at a lame excuse for a theme.
First off, like I said, I’ve made a bunch of these themes, at least six of them, in my career. Secondly, I said we could do these themes if there’s a stellar reason why we should do these. I just feel like if this is all your gonna do without any rhyme or reason or elegance, it’s lame.
And although you may be right with the replacement for the TMS, facts are facts. With blog watchdogs like Rex and Amy, the standards for the Times puzzle is getting higher. Will has told me some puzzles he would have taken as recently as two years ago stand no chance up against today’s submissions.
See, now that’s an example of taking a bullshit theme and making it great. If we had apt anagrams, that’d be amazing. It would give value, extra effort, and meaning to the exercise of anagramming. But if instead you just ran a puzzle with AIR ELLEN SHOW, IN HERO AS WELL, LOW EARL HINES, HOWELL RAINES, and ANAGRAM … what’s the point?
oh man, i’m giving up. themelesses only from here on out.
Re:#5 Really? That’s actually one of my favorite theme genres as a solver. See today’s LA Times, e.g. Accessible to the average solver, cool theme entries, and a great twist at the end. Maybe the twist would rescue it from being on the B.S. list. But I would have liked it without that anyway.
Aside from #5, though, I say amen.
Suggestion for a future post: Totally Awesome Theme Genres
Just stop that. You know better.
Just did the L.A. Times puzzle, and, yes, I’d say that’s an new and unexpected twist. So that’s not a bullshit puzzle as there’s the extra effort involved in fleshing out that theme. Extra effort is what I’m championing here, people.
And Totally Awesome Theme Genres wouldn’t be much fun as it’s typically not the genre itself that’s fun, it’s the way we exploit the genre.
Having said that, there will be more lists posted in the future.
loved the puzzle. BADCOP is a great entry and the side-by-side juxtaposition of 47- and 48-down is fun. While those entries couldn’t ever be clued that way in the NYT, what a fun Easter Egg for solvers to notice.
As for your theme no-nos, what a terrific list. As a (very) occasional constructor myself, I try never to make a puzzle that would fit into any of these categories–I want each one–I hope–to be memorable (my first NYT puzz was a quote theme that wouldn’t stand a chance of acceptance nowadays). But I would put a caveat in there, agreeing with Scott and Nancy to the extent that for easier puzzles some of these rules can be broken. #5, for example, is a nice way to generate a Monday-level NYT puzzle. And we need those puzzles too, for all that for the solvers on this blog they’re little more than a speedwriting exercise. I don’t know about some of the people here, but I had to work my way up to solving the tough ones and there was a (brief) time when successfully finishing a Mon/Tues left me proud. The easy puzzles with the admittedly hackneyed themes are key to getting new solvers interested in our mutual addiction.
Here’s a challenge for you, Brendan–write a Monday-level puzzle that doesn’t break any of the rules you’ve listed here; doesn’t contain any fill that’s too tough or is a piece of too obscure crosswordese for a newbie solver to get; and yet contains enough interesting and original fill–and a non-hackneyed theme–to keep more experienced solvers happy.
Brendan, thanks for the report on the NYT’s toughened standards. So to get a puzzle in the Times, a constructor has to bring her A game—and bullshit theme types 1 through 10 probably hit B– at best.
As Nancy says, yes, there’s a whole world of non-NYT-caliber crosswords out there, and there are places to sell puzzles with dull quote themes, etc. But my crossword-snob friends and I will never seek out those puzzles, and may skip them when they show up in a dead-tree newspaper we’re reading.
Good list. It is important to remember the caveat that some sort of unusual twist on these themes can be okay. For instance, #5 … I like these themes when they have a defining entry, and not just the word that can precede/follow the others. See e.g. http://is.gd/xfMp for a not-so-great example.
Oh, and I think the Hemingway theme you’re thinking of includes A FAREWELL TO ARMS as opposed to (THE) OLD MAN AND THE SEA.
Does anyone have an example of a stepquote puzzle? I don’t think I’ve ever seen one.
I’ve written a couple Monday-level puzzles: http://tinyurl.com/dhxmxb, e.g.
Good question.. I think Matt Jones made one, maybe he could link to it?
BEQ – you have outdone yourself! I have done a Quote puzzle and an Anagram puzzle, but haven’t tried my hand at the others. I like Ethan’s dare, but maybe the bigger challenge is this – how to put a clever twist on these hackneyed theme concepts and get a puzzle accepted by Will!
Also, did you forget the standard – MASS, MESS, MISS, MOSS, MUSS theme? (No offense to the Monday, Tuesday constructors or the RICKROLLING teen).
Ashish
You call that a Monday puzzle? It was great, but definitely harder than a Monday to me.
I think I’ve already posted a couple Mondays on the blog (one already linked to my response to Ethan). Am I wrong? What day of the week are these puzzles?
I rejected the MASS, MESS, MISS, MOSS, MUSS theme from my list because although the idea is exhausted, it at least shows some effort from the construction standpoint of having to keep it in alphabetical order. I wanted to make the list basically sloppy, poorly executed themes.
I’m pretty sure Will’d agree that almost all of these bullshit themes are pretty played out as is, but of course he would consider any of them if a new twist on these themes were presented.
Strange… I remember Mike Nothnagel got the theme from reading the title, immediately knew all four theme answers from just the clues. Maybe it’s overly specific knowledge?
i was just kidding.
my first few forays into themelesses all got accepted by will. the last several have been rejected. i don’t know if it’s because of higher standards or because my own work has gotten worse, but either way, it now seems like my NYT “batting average” is about the same for both themed and themeless puzzles.
this is something i’m curious about, btw, but it seems uncouth to ask. what’s a good batting average?
Aha, I found it. http://www.worcestermag.com/archives/2006/07-27-06/crossword.pdf
There it is! … Jesus, I have a headache just looking at the thing.
MJ: I seem to recall even you felt this one went “pffft.”
Or I’m just challenged…
Very enjoyable puzzle, but couldn’t get the across lite version for some reason. Did the printable, which ended up being a blessing because I couldn’t cheat by checking my answers.
Made it all the way through except for 38 across. 25 down didn’t help because I’m bad at chemistry, and 2 down didn’t help because I’m bad at Spanish. Figured it had to end with an A or an O… and they were both wrong!
Theme request. Four letter words. How many can you fit into a puzzle?
Yes, Mike Nothnagel did get the theme of that puzzle from reading the title, etc. But Mike Nothnagel’s brain is a cesspool of useless knowledge and should certainly not be used as a gauge of the difficulty level of a puzzle. I totally missed Brendan’s “Watchmen” theme, for instance.
MN
Most of those themes seem straight out of the books you can buy at the airport. And let me tell you, I have had many many MANY a use out of those over the years. The themes are tiresome, but hey, I do tons of puzzles a day, and cannot stockpile enough “quality” ones to keep up on long business trips. Let alone sitting in the office. Plus, I am training my 14 year old nephew to love crosswords too. They have to start somewhere… (I filled in 47 and 48D while he was looking at the across clues so it never crosses his mind)
Fun themes are always hard to come by. Especially for a novice constructor like myself. I just finished a puzzle for friends and family titled 180 degrees-capital letters only. I only used HIMNOSWXZ for theme answers for a (hopefully) obvious reason (got the idea from man hole covers). I nailed SS MINNOW and MOON MISSION, but the rest of the theme came tough. I had not seen this before so I could not steal from anyone else. That said, I am amazed at the work that you guys do on a daily basis.
Knew you had to get 4D in there BEQ. Very topical and fun. My fiancee mentioned it in an email before I even got to work this morning. I think the next poll should be: 1. more music 2. more sports. I know where I come in, but it appears there is a good divide there, which makes sense. Go sports!
sharpelbows, have you bought the recent S&S Mega Crossword Books? Great value and definitely “quality” puzzles, as many as half by big-name (i.e. regular NYT) constructors. Much better than the S&S books used to be, I understand. Most of the themes aren’t exciting but it’s several cuts above the Dell/Penny Press/airport level. Start with the most recent one, they’re getting progressively better.
Wish I’d been around to comment today… all I’ll say is, c’mon, NOBODY makes stepquotes anymore, and exception proves the rule. (Thanks MJ for posting that… can’t believe it didn’t make the book!)
Also, I have a strange affinity for #6. Which gives me a BEQ theme idea:
[“Fuck.”]
[“Fuck!”]
[“The fuck?”]
[“FUUUUUCK!”]
Thanks for the suggestion. I have not done an S&S in a while. I am buying one now for my next trip! I am so tired of searching for hours looking through EASY (crappy fill and two letter answers… stupid) Crosswords just for one book that is somewhat challenging.
I thought the puzzle was OK, but the reader reaction was more “Huh?” than “Oh, I get it.” If I remember correctly, Stepquotes were either an invention of or popularized by Eugene Maleska, so I decided I’d mess with the formula a bit.
I had once suggested a theme like
[Dude!]
[Dude?]
[Dude …]
to Peter Gordon, who responded with something like “Not for me, dude.”
Wow, there is not much there for the HIMNOSWXZ theme. A search of Wikipedia reveals MOSHI MOSHI, OM NOM NOM NOM (Cookie Monster’s catchphrase), OMISSION, and ZOOM ZOOM (Mazda’s slogan). Good job coming up with as much as you did.
.. also SWISS MISS.
Hey Brendan,
On a totally unrelated topic, I’d like to say that the thumbnail picture of you looks to me like you’re in the middle of singing “Quando Quando Quando”…the Englebert Humperdink version, as opposed to the Michael Buble…am I correct? (Don’t ever change it!!).
As for the theme list, I’m chiming in late but was just discussing it at lunch and had to throw in here. I agree whole-heartedly about the need for having some other unifying bit to save the more tired of these theme types. If the circled letters in the phrases somehow relate to the phrase, and the phrases can be linked, it’d be aces. If the before and after words are interesting somehow – Scrabbly letters, funny in some way – or, again, somehow related to one another, it’s gotten better. Another important point that I don’t think has been made yet: the type of extra effort you’re lamenting the dearth of does not need to make the resulting puzzle extra difficult to solve. Yes, some of these points are nits for the picky constructor – but the casual solver, who might not realize all the nifty thought that went into the extra steps probably will sense the subtle difference between that puzzle and one that’s been lazily thrown together.
{“word!”}
Tony O.
I had a day-long battle with Type Pad yesterday with their file hosting. Hopefully, I’ve sorted that out now.
Four letter words? Do you mean FUCK, SHIT, CUNT, et al? Or do you mean 4-letter entries?
Man… what a concept. Also, thanks for the recommendation Dan.
Completely agree. Extra effort for the constructor/editor is fine, even encouraged. And frankly, none of that extra effort stuff would probably even go noticed by most solvers.
And that pic was taken from the last-ever Boston show I did with The Campaign For Real-Time. I was wasted.
The “Ten Bullshit Themes” screed is thought-provoking, but doesn’t go into nearly enough detail for me to truly understand *why* these kinds of themes are so repugnant to you, BEQ.
I’m not a constructor (at least not of non-cryptics), but I have been solving for 47 years. From my point of view some of the theme types you mention are less exciting than others, usually. But I’d appreciate if you would go into some more detail about why these themes deserve the epithet you chose for them.
(And maybe contrast them with themes you especially like.)
You know what would be really awesome? A puzzle that had ALL TEN of the BS themes. A stepquote. By Hemingway, who was (let’s say) born X years ago today. And a HEMINGWAYTOGO. And deleted strings of letters, and anagrammed others. With “OLD”, “MAN”, and “SEA” circled within other words. It could be called “BEQ BS10”.
BEQ/Amy/other constructors: go! 🙂
Actually, I think the nose to tail arrangement of ODIESNOOPYRINTINTIN could work just fine in a themed puzzle, given dogs’ propensity for sniffing each others’ butts.
I’ll leave the rest of the puzzle’s content to someone cleverer than I.
Just found your site this morning via the Boston Globe’s Your Town interview. I cut my teeth doing British-style cryptics in Indian newspapers (The Hindu of Madras, especially). These days I’m hooked (so to speak) on the Sunday Globe Magazine puzzles with a definite preference for Henry Hook over Emily Cox/Henry Rathvon. It’s clearly because I love his themes – they are extravagantly goofy, just short of being infuriatingly so. And he almost never, ever uses quotes. Quotes are all right in their own way but to me they don’t constitute a theme. With a real theme you get the kick of decoding the scheme as well as the boost in solving the remaining themed clues.
All the best with the baby!
A pretty nifty anagram from a HIRSUTE MAN such as Merl.